sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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