I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have fence marks all over my body
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
