I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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