haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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