I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
