hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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