cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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