i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
did i walk over a car last night?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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