SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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