My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
