I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize