I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize