My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
