I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
