Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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