it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
