do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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