1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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