you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
