After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
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Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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