do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
