I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
third nipple confirmed
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize