In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Couch. On fire.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
