You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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