i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
