We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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