Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Too much gin, very little bucket
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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