Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
