i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
