The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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