Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
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Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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