i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
