cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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