I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
