That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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