If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
is it fun? or sober?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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