wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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