Apparently you make a good broom.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
