You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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