How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
