i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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