Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We smell like vodka and hangover
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