Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
