goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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