I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
