batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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