I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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