Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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