you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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