Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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