Apparently you make a good broom.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
