Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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