rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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