You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
