one might say we're banned from that church
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
