nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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