hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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