his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
