I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
