Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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