Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
