She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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