i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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