I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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