I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
