I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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