He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i think my tv is drunk
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
