Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
