Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
