she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
