And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
