Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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