I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
