I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need to calm my uterus...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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